BUT DID YA DIE?

Yep, still not the perfect mom, and my baby is 23… And that’s okay! Are you expecting to be the perfect parent? Or the perfect anything… I mean, I get the fact that I am okay with myself but being okay with myself and saying “I’m not perfect” go hand in hand. Let’s get something straight, my kids love to give me a hard time about all my stupid from their childhood… And possibly, from their adult years too. My stupid just doesn’t stop. No, I don’t think I’m stupid, it’s a phrase for all my mistakes. The other day I was hanging out with two of my kiddos which is my fave thing to do, and guess what they were doing? If you said, “making fun of your stupid” then you get a cookie. While we were all laughing, joking, and having a great time, I responded with “Yeah, but did ya die?”. My daughter stopped, looked at me, laughed heartily, and said, “ well duh, nope”. I mean, she is sitting right there talking to me, so… and she is almost 7 years older than the next kid in line so she got the brunt of my stupid. You know they tell you the first one is the practice one…

The next day, same two kiddos were talking with me, razzing me over my favorite son. You know you have a favorite child, it’s just as parents we can’t say that. They know I don’t have a favorite and that I love them all equally, yadda, yadda, yadda… It’s just that he is most like me in my good qualities. And as the youngest pointed out, he did give me the least amount of grief growing up, so as I see it, he earned it. It goes so far as Q, the oldest son, had changed D’s name to “the favorite” in my Portal. Need I say more? It’s all day every day. All in fun and laughter, and we enjoy it. Cause you know… I have a list of their stupid too. It goes both ways.

Practice makes perfect. But does it? I had four kids and guess what, on number four I still wasn’t the perfect mom. You’re kidding, right? I shoulda learned something by the time he pushed out of me but they ARE ALL DIFFERENT! Nothing works the same with any of them. Genuinely you can be thrown a curveball with any of them at any time. Literally. The one thing they all had in common? Attitude. Some more than others but oh my goodness, this momma dealt with more attitude than should be allowed. So I ask myself the same question, “Yeah, but did you die?”.

As parents, our job is to protect, love, and nurture our children to become the best adults possible. Sometimes we fail. Sometimes we make HUGE mistakes. So thankful I didn’t have social media at the time. It is so difficult for families, especially mommas, when all social media does is portray perfection in all the other families. Even when we know that the other moms aren’t posting their stupid so we don’t see it but it’s there, it’s hard not to see the perfection. Especially that one mom that has the most well behaved, best-dressed kids, that packs the healthiest of all lunches, never allows tv for their kids, etc. Ya feel me? All these “perfect” mommas doing ALL the things for their kids and well, it’s hard enough for you to get up and hoping they keep their clothes on. When the kids were little, we heard a phrase, “pick your battle”. Do you care if your child has clothes on all the time? Let me tell you something, my boys hung out in their underoos, 24/7. I did not care unless people came over or we went outside. There are more important things to focus on. The other time to ask "yeah, but did you die?" is when they fall. You know what, unless they are genuinely injured, they have to learn to shake it off. I mean, I did kiss the boo-boos but I also made fun of them... Great mom moments I know. Even as adults they have to take their own lumps and bumps and as moms we pray and cry for them, then rejoice with them when it all goes well. I had my share of mistakes when they were growing up. Kids are messy, difficult, hard and, shall I say it again for the crowd in the back, attitude. Sometimes mommas just need to give themselves a break. Stop trying to be the perfect parent. There isn’t one. Then those same kiddos are absolutely adorable, love on us, and smile at us, and it makes it all okay. Those same little hellions bring you more joy than you will ever know. They are the heartbeat of life.

Can I be frank? Maybe I will stick with Michelle… but you know being a momma is a tough gig. It’s hard work. It’s boring. It’s thankless. It’s unappreciated. It’s... and the list goes on. How many of you are hiding in your bathroom from your little angels right now just to get 5 minutes to read this? Right?! How many times did I need that little breather? Then the kid that drove you to lose your ever-lovin' mind does something super sweet and completely melts your heart. And now your entire emotional state is in a conundrum. You may have lost it all over them just before going in there and yet, here they are just amazingly sweet loving on you. God is good that way. He lets us have a glimpse of what He deals with on the daily. Sometimes I’m just like “I know why you just used that 2x4 upside my head”. Go ahead on God, I need an attitude adjustment. Then I smile up at Him and let Him know how much I love Him. Just like with my kiddos. Only God is perfect and is never over the top, and well, I can’t say that, so maybe not just like with my kiddos. Go figure. But you get my point, right?

What I learned over the years is that I did not practice self-love. Still kind of have a hard time with it but am way better now. I think I’m pretty groovy now. Wished I did then. Did you know if I had of loved myself more, my kids and honey would have been way happier? Most of my other stupids probably would have been cut way back. The biggest weapon you have as a mom and a wife is self-love. Biggest thing to deplete your power? Not including God in your daily routine of self-love.

HOMEWORK:

Stop comparing yourself to other moms. When you find yourself in the place… or before you get there… come at it from love and curiosity. Learn from what you are seeing in the other moms instead of comparing and judging. Be real with yourself in what you can accomplish each day. Don’t take on too much. Plan out quiet times, playtimes, chore times, etc.

Take a break. You are loved. You are amazing. You are not perfect. Your kiddos and hubby love you beyond anything you can imagine. You are loved.